Life can be hard sometimes

Life can be hard at some times, that's just how it is. But whatever happens, I know that I've got friends that'll be there for me. Even when I don't see you, and at times when the phone's not ringing... I know they'll be there for me.

To be honest: I miss the feeling of being in love. In love. When you wake up and the first thing you think of is him, when you wait for him to come, when the whole world spins when you see him smile, when you lie awake thinking of what you ever did wrong, when you see bad things happening to him and you just wish you hadn't existed to see it. I miss be hopelessly devoted to someone.
       And friendship, that's love too, but different... I miss getting happy by just seeing someone. That feeling is so far away right now that I can't even really imagine it.

For the record - I did well today. I was really really tired, dead-tired, but I never acted tired, never complained. Everything I did, I don't regret. It was perfect! Still, there is always someone else that can destroy something, just by being tired, and - I can't believe I'm saying this - bad-behaved. Without meaning it people make each other need each other, and then they don't live up to the expectations. But it doesn't matter. Today is not over, today is forever. Today is eternity.


Even that feeling, I miss it, because it's beautiful!

Every story has two sides

The party monday night was great, kind of messy but to be honest: it was nice. And it only got better and better, and it actually led me to realize what I think about the people who where there.. So it was simply wonderful! But there are two sides of every story... the dark side of this one, is lies. Well-- it was worth it, and I don't regret it and it's not the first or the last time I'm doing this. Lying to ones parents? I mean come on, that's usual! And no, I'm not even feeling guilty! It's just that I realize that I have to make it up to them, and I'm not doing that right now. If I'm going to lie when I have to, then all the other time I have to make them happy.

This thing with starting to be honest and stop lying... It's not really working. Not that I've lied so much in school, don't think I have said something big or so, but I know some wrong stuff have slipped of my tongue so to say.. Not intentionally, and I think I've fixed most of them. However, that's how I am. Not really proud of it, but not ashamed either. That's how life goes at times, the important thing is to make the world a better place. Making people happier.

Don't misunderstand me, I don't lie a lot. I just do it sometimes! I've never lied to hurt someone, too. And another thing: I'm not depressed or sad right now, I'm not really very happy either because I'm thinking about this shit but I know it's gonna be fine. It's going to be great! 

L O V E

Maria

Autumn night

Memories of summertimes

Summer is wonderful thing. I miss the way you feel when your skin is all golden, miss the hot days, miss the way your head starts spinning because of the heat, miss the million ice-creams that never taste the same any other time, miss hanging with folks all the time. 

       Outside the wind is blowing, and I think it rained a bit earlier too. The air is clear, and cold. Autumn is here, in all its beauty. It really is beautiful, the dark red leaves on some trees, others still green, or with a orange fire licking the green leaves.. The raindrops in their total perfection. The sky in it's different shades... Gorgeous!

It's almost midnight, and even though I was dead-tired at seven p.m. -- now I just can't sleep! Although, while I write this, I feel sleep coming over me as the rain is starting to pour. Autumn is nightlife time, with disco's and parties, and it's just on the edge of beginning so hold on tight!

Life is like a thunderstorm: you can either be afraid of it or you can see the beauty

Goodnight!
Yours eternally,

Maria

 

You've got to relax. Think about nothing! I still don't relax totally, huh, weird... Gonna post some photos later, bye!

nej nej nej nej

Helvete. Eller, det var helvete, nu är det 'shit fan.. äh: TAGGA'. Vi sitter och kollar på film, och min morsa säger något halvskämt om att jag har celluliter. Mina tankar stannar. Automatiskt säger jag nej, klart jag inte har, och jag tycker fortfarande att det är klart jag inte har det...Men om hon tar fel på mina otränade muskler, så måste jag göra något åt min absoluta oträning. I ca tio minuter var jag inne i en livskris, jag satt och tecknade & pluggade franska verb så jag vänder på pappret och gör det till dagbok. Seriöst, ofta är bästa personen man kan vända sig till sig själv! När dem tio minuterna har gått lyser solen igen, I've got it. Det är helt logiskt! Jag har drömt om det innan, men vetat att det inte var för då. Men nu är tiden inne. Jag ska lära mig hip hop, på riktigt. Inte sådär halvt, utan totalt, med egna moves & ståpåhändergrejer och hela alltet. Träning börjar imorgon, men faaaaan vad det ska bli kul! Har velat detta så länge nu...

Allright, jag vet, det här inlägget är... illa. Det är sådär segt och jobbigt och utan sanna ord som beskriver verkliga känslor och på fel språk också, ha ha.. Men det här inlägget får vara såhär. Alla människor har dåliga dagar, en blogg kan väl få ha dåliga inlägg?

Nighty!
Maria

Shit -- I really miss our times.

It's been a beautiful day,

There's not much else I can say

hah it rhymed! Ciao =D

H A I R C U T

Allrighty! I've got myself a haircut todayyy! Met a really nice hairdresser, from Småland ha ha, with Rihanna-like cool hair...

Today's a sunny but rather cold day, and life's still a miracle because I'm really happy today (L)

Enough with the chit-chat, here's my new haircut! & if you don't see any difference, look at the previous pictures...

The pics are kinda flum, & not really good but my hair is today's photo-model!

Miss you guys, have the best friidadadayyyy ever!

.sex.

Sex. One word that people of some reason think about so much. Like someone once said: "well, it's true -- guys think of it every other second." That's how it is, and I can't say girls don't ha ha! However, there are always endless issues about it! Don't know why... Folk are worried about when and how to lose their virginity, worried about being the first one or the last. People want to be loved, and to love, but somehow this stage of love in the society (not in relationships but in others eyes) is made so complicated!
      People judge others to act slutty, and even in our modern society there are those who don't like others to do it. Sometimes they don't show it at all, sometimes there are jokes made, sometimes gossip. If you do it, there always is someone who will judge you - if you don't there always is someone else who will. One can choose by which group of people they like most, but personally I think both are kind of gross. Because it is gross to judge someone on the grounds of making love. I mean, the expression explains itself. make love It means loving someone and making their love, sometime you want to and need to, and sometime you don't need it at all! And about the one-night-stand thing: I believe you can love by making love. It's just another way of loving!
      I'm not sure I know the truth, but I really believe that people act way too much like shit because of what others do! And the thing is that it's about something so pure and true - and of course private - that it's ridiculous to have any opinion at all about it.

Don't judge others, if nothing else - it's simply not your business.

No Strings Attached

You know what? The movie is wonderful, and so much better then I thought... ;-)

Online for free with the best quality, you'll find it here:

http://www.putlocker.com/file/B4C939934C637A50#


Just a note to things that happen in my world, and not on tape... You've got to learn to know people! And it's so interesting to find out new things about folks, and the guy you'd like to get friendly with at the moment should be the one you're most curious about.
Also: when horrible things happen, there isn't much you can do about it. It's a part of life, a part of eternity, but it's actually a part that doesn't matter much -- remember that.

Love to you all!

Maria

When I Fall In Love

Somewhere inside you there's a knowledge of what will happen and what you've got to do. It doesn't have a voice, and if you speak to loudly you'll never even notice, that somewhere down deep... you already know. & you can make a change.

Deep Below You'll Find Your Truth

I've got less then a minute...

...and a thousand words to say, so I'll just make a short note:
We always wish for stuff that proves things, a kiss for love; a wedding ring for a life together; an exam, a good grade and a work-offer for having studied well... But actually, all that stuff doesn't matter. It's still so minimal that it's unseen and not existing. Still: love matters, truth matters, having fun matters, being interested in stuff and finding out things you didn't know -- it all matters! Matters for real

Showtime! -- movies

Heyy! I'm lying in my bed, watching the MTV movie-awards and though I'd post some movies that I want to watch, here you go:

partaaajjj uNts uNts uNts

Good evening, fellas! ha ha... strange how things always turn out great. Maybe it's we who make whatever comes great?
I'm in a travel mood, 'planked' the train to Vikingstad, ten minutes away, and were out there kind of random - nice city and nice people!

Well: these two pictures are on two of my party-outfits ha ha... Wondering which one I ought to take next friday? ^^
The one to the right is kind of more 'whory' ha ha ha but it looks nicer.

& I hope I might give you a smile or a laugh because of this picture ha ha!

I haven't drunk any coca cola since we were at that kebab place, 23rd or something like that... Bought one today in Vikingstad really cheap from a very nice guy from Serbia - I've so missed the taste!

Love, peace & miss you guys

know what? it's still me!

hey there beautiful on the way to wonderful

It's raining down on Linköping city,, strange how life is always changing. Wonder where it's heading! Today I really felt that I actually could make it go wherever I wanted.. Life's full of possibilities, but so many people live without seeing anything else but the road ahead, when it's actually a sky and every direction is a wonderful adventure, and not a one-way road..

The song of this moment:

Go out there and go and try.
Believin' that you're the one, they're dying to see
So keep your dream alive,
Dreaming is still how the strong survive

A Dream Is A Whisper From Your Heart

It's kind of creepy when you realize that you have a flaw in something you thought you were good at. When you thought that you were not like the rest of your family, the genetic path hadn't brought that to you. When you believed you were different. You've tricked yourself. Well, that doesn't really matter does it? ha ha! What matters is that now you know, and can work with it. It's probably all been for the best, there are always new things you've got to deal with in yourself. So today I'm happy, I am going to make a change!
      What I thought I already got, but now I'll get it so don't you worry, is the ability to make a decision. In some ways, I've never had the guts to do that. Hell with that, I am not a coward! And I won't be. And I will make every fucking decision that I ought to make, I'll trust in myself that I can make it right, and trust in my luck and my life that everything's going to turn out great. If anything might come up, I'll deal with it when it comes, not worrying about it beforehand. Well -- that last thing I already got in my heart, but the decision-thing.. it's so going to change!

Love

Maria

And Yet Another World Lies Within

Just because someone really is alike someone else you know, remember that he's another person, who's got something completely different inside & don't hinder that showing itself by expecting something else or thinking you know what you'll find.

When I started walking in yet another world, I was searching for laughter, because I already had happiness. What I found was people, for whom the day is just a smile and the night should be laughed through. 

Midnight

I can't sleep. Just can not, impossible. I lie down, think a bit, like an hour or so and then realize... I don't want to sleep. And if I don't want to do it, then there's no use for me to do it! So here's what I look liken the middle of the night wearing my satin-like hello kitty-pajamas that's really cute but hardly seen here, ha ha!




Tomorrow, I'll remind myself to really be who I want to and with whom I want to. Nothing, not even my own boredom is going to stop me! But today, and yesterday, were really great days I must say! Right now, in the middle of the night, I'm kind of...I don't know really. In a strange mood. I miss so much, and yet I'm glad with what I have, and I'm looking forward to things... Not really sure! However, I have a photo of some - definitely not all - of my precious memories that I'd like to share with you.

Some of my precious memories: a golden leaf, a small cone, a huge nail, a bean, a stone, some crystal quartz and a toy-coin called 'a token of my love'.

This makes me smile! Allrighty, here we go... The coin is from Florida, we got a couple of those on Valentine's Day in school prep. grade. Or at least, I got them. The tradition is that on a table there are paper candy-bags with the name of everyone on it, and you have things with you (don't remember if we get it there in school, however it's small things but mostly candy, and really really tasty candy!) and then you go round the table and give every person some. Sweet, isn't it? It's the only thing that I got from Florida, except some photos and a mini-scapbook, of course mother has some stuff but this heart is the only thing that I'd like to keep as memory from that time. 

      The crystal quartz and the cone are from the same place... One spring, when we lived in Luleå, my family, a colleague of my father and his daughter (the same age as me) went to the border line between Sweden and Norway, up north, into the mountains. It must have been year 2002, or 2003. Those we went with were finnish, and the girl and I became really good friends without having one word in common. She spoke finnish, I spoke russian...but it all worked out really well! I remember that feeling, when you perfectly understand the other one and even stronger the feeling that it doesn't matter. It doesn't really matter exactly what you say, it's all about having a wonderful time, but even more you don't matter. It's about everything around you. I use to say this week(s) are the best time of my life. I didn't have a bad or selfish thought, and even though I often had tantrums as a child - there, it was like all gone with the wind. And it was beautiful. I know, more then remember, that the air was clear and so easy to breath. 

      And then there was this small fjord... I swear - it was, and still is, magical. The sun was shining, and it was a warm day to compare with the temperature there. We walked through a valley, and before that there was some kind of stream... We turned in behind a rock, and at first I didn't see it. I suppose someone mentioned it, but it was me who got really enchanted by it... And then, looking forward instead of everywhere but that, I see a small lake all glittering. Sparkling, shining. The fjord was covered by a thin layer of ice, and it was really really thin, and the ice sparkled in the sun. We have no good photo of the magic, I suppose it doesn't go on camera. I could never find the place after that one time, but when the time is right I'll go there again, and find it.

      Both the crystal quartz and the cone I picked up somewhere up those mountains. And then there's the nail. It's a lucky one, well, at least it must be lucky to be here and valued! I've got no actual idea of how it came into my possession, but it's unusually big, and somehow I found it in my pocket or my shoe one day in school. This was back the last year, on Krono.

      The bean is from a country I haven't been in -- Great Britain. It's a gift from Annie, and is for me a symbol of how different friendship can be. On one side, there's a smiling face, and on the other side there's the text Best Friends.

      Next is the stone, a beautiful one, from Linnèa. She brought some stones with her from France this summer, and gave some of them to me. It stands for patience, peace, and a smiling friendship! Don't think I have to say more.. Then there's one thing left -- the leaf. It doesn't have a story yet, and it doesn't really stick with the rest of the stuff, because it isn't a memory. It's the present, been picked up here in Linköping. What story it will bring to my collection, I do not know. But I'm sure it's going to be a story worthwhile.